Culture shock: where are all the 7elevens? why is nothing open on Sunday? where the bloody hell do I get Blutack???

I feel it. The culture shock. And it's just like they said. I feel intimidated, and lonely, and hermit-ish...

And it's not just the French-clash-Aussie type culture shock either, I understand that things are different here and I don't really expect to find a 7eleven around every corner, or even canned soup, despite my previous ranting posts... it's not even really about language... well, it is and it isn't because it's always about language... or more accurately, it's always easier when you have language on your side...

but it's not that... it's the smaller cultural things... home... friends... It's not knowing where anything is and not even knowing where to find out, or what you don't know you need to find out, it's not having anyone to talk to for hours on end... it's not being able to feel like you can just go home... cos here it's not yet home.

My room is on the first floor and because of its general stuffy-ness, I keep the window open whenever I'm in... But my window faces the street, so not only am I secondhand smoking everyone who's standing outside having a chat and a smoke's smoke, I can hear everything that happens out on the street. Motorbikes roaring by. Jokes in another language. Half phone conversations in the phonebooths across the street. Cars parking.

Every night when I'm lying in bed half falling asleep, I hear a certain car parking. It sounds just like Dad's Hilux, and I semi-wake from my semi-sleep thinking I'm back at home and expecting to hear Dad's keys in the front door when I realise that I'm not at home. And it makes me homesick. I feel like I understand Taxi a little more.. waiting by the window... The importance of sounds I never knew I recognised. I miss her. I miss home. Home never felt all that Home-like until now...

The sound of doors locking echos so loudly down the corridoors. It's not unlike the sounds they use in prison movies, great big steel bolts snapping open. Or shut. It's amusing in a depressing kind of way...

It was Sunday yesterday and I actually had a good day, despite nothing being open. There was a great big ceramics market in Vieux Lyon that went on forever and ever, I went up to Fourvière and admired Notre Dame, and the view, I walked around the city tasting cheese at the food markets, and watching a huge cycling event circle the city and meander along the rivers to end up in Bellecour and I bumped into another unimelb fellow exchangee and we swapped numbers... it was nice...

oh I should probably add so you understand the title, I can't find Blutack. I'm trying to abide by dorm rules and not use tape and pins to stick up posters/postcards because they 'deteriorate' the walls... but I can't for the life of me figure out where on earth they sell blutack... I just want to make my room a little more mine...

And this is a little bit I wrote about language a few nights ago:

I knew this would happen. And yet, I could never have imagined feeling like this. The language barrier has really humbled me. Not being able to understand and communicate immeditaley and effectively, it makes me feel small and stupid and useless. Oh how we take such things for granted. I suddenly have a whole lot more respect for my parents and of course everyone else who has ever been in this position, harder, tougher situations that this even... Not that I didn't before, but... it's not the same. You don't realise how handicapped you are, or how hard it is, until you have to do big important things like open bank accounts and sign housing contracts and buy public liability insurance... conversation is all very well and nice, but... life.. real, important, serious, busy, impatient, i don't have time for you to stumble over words, LIFE! There's no time or sympathy for your ignorance. Incomprehensible = not important. I feel so small. I really do. And I do know french. My french isn't that bad. It's just slow. And as much as I wanted this trip for some freedom, I just realised that I'm going to have to earn it... You're not free when you can't speak. You're stuck.