for those still reading...

and i know there aren't many of you, and i don't blame you either...

I'm HOME!!! and I've learnt to type again on English keyboards! The irony being that the desktop at home is dead and the big sis' laptop is slow and unable to multitask and is on weekends hogged by the big sis' other half... so I haven't had much internet access. That's my excuseanyway :P

I guess I should apologise straight up for my lack of motivation in posting and also the slow and steady decline in the quality of my posts... I have to admit, in the last half of my great adventure I really did not care very much any more for the internet. The one month I spent travelling with the big sis was awesome. Really. I know I've used that adjective way too much already but there are no other words to describe how perfect it was and how much fun we had, even when it felt like someone upstairs really had something against me at times, it was simply the BEST holiday I have ever had. And that's with me pining and whining all day about missing and wanting to come home...

But... the months leading up to that were pretty hard on me. I really started to hate living in Lyon. And I guess that's why I didn't want to post much. I felt like I was only ever writing negative things and the more I wrote them, the more I thought about them. More irony. It was also in the last half of my sojourn that I discovered my own France. Wait, that's too big a statement to make. It was where I discovered my Lyon. The number of factors and the reasons behind my unhappiness as well as my happiness are so many and so complex that this brief and summarised mode of communication does it no justice, but because I know that I have been real shitty lately and boring and unresponsive and vague and detached about the last six months, I feel obliged to at least TRY and explain myself. Also, it helps for me to start writing again. I feel a bit rusty...

I miss Lyon. I never thought I would say that. So there you go miss blu2lips, you were right. I miss Lyon. I even kind of miss the residence. No.. wait... the residence was hell and a prison and one of the main reasons I wanted to come home so much, but it's hard to explain. My room at the residence was really depressing but it was MINE. Lyon is not the most exciting city in France, but as I showed the big sis around that last mildly-weathered week, I knew it and I walked it like a local and to have left behind all that, that I was forced to work so hard to achieve, all that I had left my comfort zone to discover, to really start to feel like I was no longer afraid of being lost or of being spoken to or to ride the public transport system simply for the sake of riding and knowing, all that knowing... Lyon became mine too. I owned this city, at least the city that I knew... it was my view of the city, it was my experience of the city, it was my fight with the city... of course, then when I started to realise this, I had to leave.

Now I'm home and I really feel very weird. It doesn't feel like much time has passed, it doesn't feel like Melbourne has changed much save for a few very yellow patches of grass, and I don't feel like a completely different person but something seems to have... shifted. I know it has something to do with living at home again and losing that total freedom I had in Lyon... but it's not just that. I don't know what it is... I haven't quite put my finger on it yet, but when I do I'll let you all know...

I'm back at uni too which feels great and also makes me feel rather old. Which is silly because I know twenty-two is not very old at all, not even at uni in an undergrad degree, but still... when it's first week back and you're surrounded by first years and you look at people's faces and listen to people's conversations, there's the very arrogant impulse of thinking "omigod they're soooooooo young!"

BUT, I'm doing a really great course this semester. A lot of theory, some creative writing and of course, more French. I'm really looking forward to everything that's going to happen. I have a rather good feeling about this year. I have a lot of new goals.

I know that most of you have probably tuned out already, and I know that you probably think that my holiday's over and that the great adventure is over, and that there's nothing left to write about, at least not on this blog, but I don't feel that at all. As the wise words from a cartoon character in A Bug's Life once said, pretend this is a seed....

My creative writing subject for this semester is Travel and Place. I'm going to be doing a lot of experimenting and exploring and trying to put into practice the techniques I'll learn, to draw a better and hopefully fuller picture of the last six months. I promise to post up pieces on a regular basis. So I guess what I'm saying is, if it's not too painful, keep watching this space!

I promise also to try and catch up with you all soon!!

much love xx